


Around A Dying Fire

by GravenTimes



Category: supermega
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Drug Use, Hand Jobs, Light Drinking, M/M, Quarantine, Recreational Drug Use, covid19 mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27456397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GravenTimes/pseuds/GravenTimes
Summary: It was so different now, having to physically distance yourself from other people and limit any interactions, any touching. Matt always knew he was a little touchy, always sitting next to or on his friends when they hung out - holding hands, rubbing shoulders. He never realized how much he would miss it though.A quarantine fic, because I knew I had to write one. This isn't very sappy, cute, or anything like that.But, I'm not sure if it will be multichapter or not - gonna think about it and see how people like it.
Relationships: Ryan Magee/Matt Watson
Comments: 22
Kudos: 46





	1. Give Me Novacaine

**Author's Note:**

> If you read Not Like Us - this isn't like that or at least not yet? I don't know if I will continue with this one like I did that one. If inspiration hits me then I may. But this one doesn't have the soft feelings of that one. 
> 
> Anyway! There will be light drinking and smoking in this. BUT no one is high or drunk. But if alcohol/drug mention disturbs you I would avoid this. But then again, SM mentions alcohol and drugs all the time? Idk

They had been drinking and smoking, sitting in a circle around an old, rusty fire pit in Leighton’s backyard. It was one of the odd times Matt was able to convince Ryan to hang out in a group of more than three people. Something about having limited chances to see others or get out of his house had him jumping at the idea of a chill, evening hangout. All the Tuckers, Leighton, and a few other mutual friends were there with them, chatting and laughing as the last of the pink-orange light of the sunset faded from the sky. The plastic arm of Matt’s lawn chair dug into his hip as he readjusted himself, pulling his right leg up and underneath his bottom. 

The embers in the small fire pit lit Matt’s face as he poked at them with a stick, telling a joke between frustrated grunts as he attempted to work the fire back to life. A few people laughed at the joke, but it struck a chord somewhere deep in Ryan. His laugh lifted, infectious and full of body. Matt smiled and watched the other man’s face, brighter, warmer light highlighting his features. Ryan’s gaze caught his and he sharply cast his eyes back down to the fire, the smile shrinking away from his face. Quickly, he grabbed his bottle to take a sip and found it empty. 

He fussed with the six-pack of wine coolers he brought - everyone brought their own drinks to limit interactions and adhere to some assemblance of social distancing. After struggling for a moment to wrench off the twist cap, the bottle fizzed and he flicked the metal disk in Jackson’s general direction. Leighton rolled her eyes and gave a huff about having to clean it up later. The drink was warmer now, condensation made the cheap label peel and ball up under his fingers, but he hardly noticed as he scanned the group. It was so different now, having to physically distance yourself from other people and limit any interactions, any touching. Matt always knew he was a little touchy, always sitting next to or on his friends when they hung out - holding hands, rubbing shoulders. He never realized how much he would miss it though. Sure, the alcohol took the edge off the odd feeling but he did not let himself get too buzzed to avoid the risk of his emotions spilling over. 

His eyes landed on Ryan. Sure, they were back at work and therefore could be near each other, but they still played along while in a group or with others. Plus, it would be weird if just the two of them were buddied up and on top of each other. It would almost feel like being on display and showcasing what everyone else could not do. He could always sit near Harry and Jackson, too, but something about the whole situation made him feel just out of reach, disconnected from his own body and thoughts. 

He stood up and balanced his bottle on the grass next to his chair, quietly muttering, “Gonna take a leak, that okay?” and pulled his mask up from under his chin to over his face. 

Leighton shrugged, “Just wash your hands.” 

The walk to the bathroom was easy, just through the sliding backyard doors, into the kitchen and around a corner or two. When he slipped in he left the door slightly ajar, placing both hands on either side of the sink and looking into the mirror. He scrubbed at his eyes and pulled the fabric back down off his face before turning on the faucet. The cold water made him gasp, but it felt good to be distracted for a moment. A lot of his thoughts were irrational, he tried to convince himself - he wasn’t touch starved or abandoned or anything, he had roommates and he worked with his friends. 

Still, something in him seemed off. Quiet drips caught his attention as the rest of the water fell from his face and he looked back up to meet his own gaze in the mirror. He shook his head softly before hanging it, he didn’t have the right to be lonely, others had it so much worse during quarantine and he has so much to be thankful for during this whole ideal. Yet - he was still incredibly lonely. Everything was different, even seeing people didn’t fully fill the hole in his gut. It was just that he felt like he needed-

“You alright?” 

Matt was ripped from his thoughts by a touch to his back and the gentle words. “Fuck! What?” He turned quickly to see Ryan standing in the doorway, he hadn’t heard his footsteps or the door creak the rest of the way open. “Shit. Yeah. Fuck, you almost gave me a fucking heart attack dude.”

“Sorry, I mean I did knock but the door was open.” Ryan pushed the door fully open and leaned against the frame, looking Matt up and down. “What’s wrong.”

“Nothing. I just put some water on my face, needed to wake up.”

There was something off in his voice, something tight and tense that let Ryan know this was a lie. Ryan closed in on Matt’s space, took off his mask and relaxed his posture. “Bullshit, what the fuck is up?”

Looking the other man in the eye was almost as painful as trying to face his own reflection. Matt tried to look at him, convince him that he was okay, but the look on his face - the wetness at the corners of his eyes - must have given him away. Ryan stepped in closer and brought a hand to his shoulder. Warmth spread through Matt, from the touch of the hand across his chest and it broke him down. 

“I guess, I, I don’t know man. I know I shouldn’t be lonely but - fuck! It’s stupid. Don’t worry.”

“It isn’t stupid, Matt.” Ryan pressed his thumb into his shoulder a little harder, the firmness grounding both of them for a moment. 

There was a still moment, where Matt breathed in and then in the sound of him breathing out was ragged, shaken the moment broke. “I just feel like I miss so much, or I’m missing so much, I don’t know. I feel lost, and lonely, and I miss touching people - which, what the fuck?. That sounds so fuckng stupid! I just-”

Before anything else could leave his lips, he was pushed into the blue paint of the small bathroom wall. He couldn’t talk anymore, his rambling paused by the press of another mouth over his. At first it was a complete shock, his body was rigid, completely stock still against the broadness of Ryan. And then, all at one, he was reciprocating. Fully, earnestly, pulling Ryan in - all grabby hands and furrowed brows. Ryan kept pushing into him, the firm hand still on his shoulder as the other gripped the back of his head, just over the nape of his neck. 

Matt couldn’t think, couldn’t focus on all of his worries from a moment ago as he tried to pull Ryan in closer. Couldn’t wonder what was happening or what it meant. All he could focus on was the warmth and softness of touching someone else like this. He could hardly hear the thunk of the door being pulled shut as Ryan trailed his mouth down his jaw and onto his neck. The air in the small bathroom began to ignite, something urgent and primal coursed through Matt and he snuck a leg between Ryan’s, pressing just enough to be a presence, but nothing more. 

A wet breath was sucked in next to his ear and one of Ryan’s hands found his hip and pushed him back. Panic raced through Matt’s mind, but was immediately pushed away as Ryan readjusted them and crowded further into his space. A harsh breath was pulled in and down Matt’s throat as he felt the press of the heel of Ryan’s hand press firmly to the fly of his jeans. Thick fingers pulsed softly, not applying much pressure, only testing, trying to see what lies beneath the denim. “Fuck.”

It all happened so fast, the unbuttoning of his jeans and the rough shove of his waistband down to mid thigh. The fast, uneven breaths against his neck, muttering something so quietly into his skin that he couldn’t make out anything other than short words and sounds, maybe ‘hard’ ‘fuck’ and if he wished hard enough - his name. Matt couldn’t bring his body to respond or meet Ryan’s motions, he could only cling desperately to the back of the loose black t-shirt and mouth just behind the other’s ear. Everything was too dry, Ryan’s hands were rough and he hadn’t been hard long enough for pre-come to slick the way. Something about the faint hint of pain on the edge of the sweeping pleasure made it more real, helped to numb the emptiness he was feeling, even if just for a moment. 

His toes curled up in his sneakers and his knees began to shake underneath himself. He was running towards the finish embarrassingly fast, much faster than he wanted to admit. He managed to sneak out a “Ry, fuck I- I’m gonna” before he spilt over the fast moving fist. He pulled Ryan in close as he shook, needing to hold onto something to keep himself from floating away. As the final shock left him, he let go, slumping back into the wall further and keeping his eyes closed. He could hear Ryan washing his hands and the sound almost sounded funny to him after what just happened. The faintest curl of a smile crossed his lips, but the almost inaudible opening and closing of the door ripped it from him immediately. 

As quickly and quietly as Ryan had entered the small half-bathroom, he had left. Matt blinked at his own reflection before daring to open the door. The soft ‘sshhhunk’ of the sliding door to the backyard stung more than he thought it would. Alone in the resealed bathroom, Matt cleaned himself up, tucked himself back into his pants and stared. He stared at himself in the mirror - red in the face and eyes sunken in - he stared at the splash of water on the counter, at the few blades of grass on the floor that one of them had tracked in. 

Minutes passed before Matt was finally able to bring himself to leave the bathroom. He paused in front of the sliding glass doors, watching the group around the low fire. Everyone was joking, laughing, throwing small scraps of wood, grass and cardboard into the flames. And there was Ryan, sitting, taking a slow, measured pull from a joint Jackson had lit earlier as if nothing had happened. Matt opened the door and joined everyone again, finding his chair and slipping into it. “Sorry, I, uh, I took a phone call.” 


	2. Convenient Parking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't hate bad communication :|

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been SO long! I don't really have anything to offer about why - but I wrote chapter 2! 
> 
> Like I said, uhm, this isn't like a soft, lovely, fluffy fic like my last but it might turn into one eventually. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr @graventimes and twitter @enochgraven

No one really acknowledged his statement, maybe there was a nod of the head or two, but everything just continued on normally. He felt so far out from his body, the buzzing high of getting off made his feet feel numb, the sensation of ground beneath his shoes hardly tangible. Slowly, he rubbed his thumb against the rough, woven fabric of his chair, scraping his nail against it and trying to calm his mind down. His thoughts were fuzzy around the edges and it felt as though he was just released from a tornado. What happened in the bathroom, had happened, right? There was no way he could have imagined something so wild, so outlandish. Matt tried to refocus, tune into the conversations and act as if he was doing alright, but his thoughts were still scrambled. The smell of smoke and beer filled his senses as he took a few deep breaths, in through his nose and out through his mouth. It helped, he was able to sort away the incident for the time being and focus on being present in this moment. His ears picked up the conversation, it had delved into the political and people were passionately agreeing with each other - and fighting with imaginary opponents it would seem. Once he found the momentum of the conversation, and was able to formulate his own thoughts, he was back in. 

Something pulled his attention across the yard, he tore his eyes away from the embers he was staring at and chanced a glance up. Ryan was looking at him, an unreadable expression on his face. Even as he brought a bottle up to his mouth again, taking a painfully slow sip, he was still looking. Matt could swear he saw the corner of his lips twitch up into a smirk or a smile. Then, one of their friends made a joke and Ryan turned to look towards the other, laughing and providing a choked out “Dude!” 

Nothing of note happened for the rest of the night. Eventually, people started to pack up and tuck away their belongings. Matt caught Jackson’s eyes and gave him a quick nod, silently signalling that it was time to go. It would probably be a good idea to pull Ryan to the side before he left, at least break the tension about what had happened. But, instead he started to mutter his goodbyes. Leighton went to give him a hug goodbye, but stopped short and chuckled, instead giving him an air high-five and wishing them well. Harrison had declared himself the designated driver earlier that night, refrained from smoking and only had one beer. Matt opted to sit in the back of the car on the way back to their apartment. He knew that he wasn’t going to have much to talk about, and wanted to be able to think. 

His room was a mess. He kicked his shoes into a corner and sighed at the state of his belongings. Putting things away just seemed like more effort than it was worse, and organizing took way too much out of him as of late. All he managed to do was fold and put away the small pile of clothes at the foot of his bed, before collapsing into it and taking out his phone. Social media was abuzz with conversations surrounding the virus spread, people taking selfies in their masks, and it all became too much for him. Staring at his home screen, Matt let his thumb hover over the green text app for a while until his screen began to dim. He tapped the app before the screen could time out and found Ryan’s name. 

[1:47 AM] Matt: What the fuck was that?

Matt stared at the screen, lips pursed and waiting for a reply. The three dots appeared, disappeared and appeared again, making him pinch his eyebrows together and scream internally. 

[1:48 AM] Ryan: idk

  
  


What the fuck? Matt had to close the app and reopen it to make sure he was texting the right person. That was all he got? Something about it was comical, almost absurd. Matt laughed to himself, chuckling because as annoying as it was to get a non-response, it was fitting. It felt like something Ryan would do. He closed his phone and rubbed at his temples. A proper response or conversation would have to wait until he saw Ryan in person, and since they worked together that wouldn’t take too long. Was this something that just happened? A random encounter - except with someone that he knew too well? 

If that was what it was supposed to be, it didn’t translate well. Having his best friend pushed up against him in the bathroom, his mouth over his, and his hand - Matt shook his head and avoided replaying the entirety over in his head again. It didn’t feel random, but maybe it was just that. Both of them had hooked up with acquaintances and friends before, on drunken nights or just for the hell of it. It usually didn’t end up awkward. Still - the two of them had never even flirted with that line before. And to his knowledge Ryan was straight. They had talked about sexuality before. A few times in fact. Matt had spewed his thoughts out to Ryan before his almost coming out tweet in June, and Ryan never even hinted at anything. Maybe he was thinking too much - maybe he was still buzzed. 

  
  


He fell asleep in the clothes he wore to the party, on top of his blanket. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


The door to the office was ajar when he got there, and he could hear bright laughter coming from the main room. Matt huffed to himself and pocketed his key before pushing his way inside and pulling the door shut behind him. “Y’all gotta close the door - that’s how flies and shit get in.”

Carson was fiddling with a camera, taking off its current lens and screwing on a new one. Ryan was leaning back in a computer chair, feet up on a desk and a grin spread wide across his face. Whatever they were talking about, Matt had missed. He threw his keys onto the counter next to the door and shrugged off his bag. “You two got here early.”

“Yeah, we were supposed to record a mailroom video, so I figured I would show up early to organize it or something.” Shaggy, dark hair bounced as Ryan got up from the chair he was rocking in and pushed the door open to the recording room. Jackson looked up from his position on the floor, surrounded by mailer envelopes and boxes, and smiled. Ryan began to laugh again, bright and colorful. Carson patted Matt on the shoulder and slid past him into the room, presumably to set up the camera and check the lighting. 

Matt sucked in a breath through his teeth and kicked one of the boxes stacked in front of the coffee table. He saw Ryan look him up and down out of the corner of his eye as he shuffled past - the room feeling just a little cramped for four people to be in with all the packages. “Something smells rancid man,” Matt muttered and sniffed in a general direction “I hope no one mailed us animals or food or bugs or some other shit again.”

“You know they did because you have to freak out.” 

“Well excuse me for providing content.” Matt spat out jokingly, please there was little to no tension in the room. 

Ryan laughed, letting himself fall onto the couch, pocket knife in hand. “It isn’t providing content if you’re actually just a baby.” 

Matt furrowed his eyebrows and pouted crookedly at Ryan as he joined him on the couch, placing a few smaller packages on the table so they were within reach. Carson finished helping Jackson set up and went to fiddle with the audio equipment in the podcasting room. Ryan leaned back into the sofa and they were on. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Recording always took longer than they expected. Between equipment malfunctions and lulls in conversation, they always set out to record more than they would need to ensure the video came out well and Justin wouldn’t have a hard time splicing something together. Mailroom videos were more draining than a lets play, but something about unboxing random, outlanding and sometimes vulgar items gave Matt a thrill. Jackson turned off the cameras, microphones and lights, hopefully killing some of the unnecessary heat in the room. Ryan let out a long sigh, sinking back further into the couch as he closed his eyes. 

Matt continued to fish through the scattered items and toss some of them into the small garbage bin, occasionally commenting on them or handing them to Ryan to inspect. Once the room was in some semblance of order, Matt let himself get comfortable on the couch again and pulled his legs underneath him. Jackson was uploading the footage and audio, and Carson was presumably somewhere else in the house making himself busy. They only planned to film a set of lets plays later in the day, so they had a little bit of time to relax and reset. 

“So,” Matt began, “I just wanna ask something.”

Ryan pursed his lips together and hummed an ‘mhm’.

“I asked what happened and you just kinda, brushed it off. So, I mean, what happened?”

He mad three clicking sounds in the back of his mouth before responding, “I mean like I said I don’t know. I was buzzed, you looked sad, it happened. It doesn’t have to be weird, right?”

The younger man cocked his head to the side. “I guess not. Are you okay with it.”

There was just a shrug of the shoulders and then Ryan made a move to continue cleaning up. “Sure.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I didn't plan this fic at all but I might be writing 2 at once this time - not sure. 
> 
> Catch me on tumblr @graventimes or twitter @enochgraven if you want!

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think?  
> This was a little different than my usual softer, more loving stuff. Let me know if you wanna see more of this here or on tumblr @graventimes


End file.
